Here is a column

Hey team,

Lyd requested I post my column so y'all could read it. For those of you who don't know, I'm writing the sex column in the school newspaper now, its called "Forbidden Fruit." Cute, right? Anyways, here it is, and I'm in this awful lecture so I think I will follow it up with a full blown post break post.

Do you speak post-hookup?

We’ve all done it, that drunken one-nighter with a guy who was just so cute, if only you could remember his last name. Or the one when you were sober and she was drunk and you just couldn’t resist, I mean, she came to your room for a reason. Or even, you went on a date and just went farther than you meant to. So what’s next? What happens when you see each other on campus, or in class? What does it mean when he asked for your number but doesn’t call? What if you actually like her but don’t know how to say it? Well, as an expert on the accidental one-nighter, I’m here to translate post hook-up signals so you don’t have to do that super awkward “Hey, um, what’s, uh, what’s up?” thing.
The hook-up that happens when one or both of you is drunk is fairly doomed to fail for several reasons. First, there is the issue of whether or not either of you is going to remember it when you’ve sobered up. Hopefully it isn’t a habit of yours to get so drunk you don’t remember the night, but we’re in college, what are you going to do? Second, given that one or both of you was drunk, one or both of you may have done something potentially embarrassing which may make one or both of you not want to see the other ever again, regardless of whether or not it was good.
Either way there is a good chance that after a drunken hook-up you’re going to get the cold shoulder. If it went really well and you exchanged numbers, there is a chance that you may be texted next weekend, but ignored in public. I have found that with drunk hook-ups it doesn’t matter how far it goes past first base, there is a pretty good chance you’ll never speak to each other again, so don’t think that just because you didn’t give it all up he’ll want to see you again.
There is one exception to the drunk rule: if you drunkenly hooked-up with a friend rather than someone you just met you’ll probably both ignore the whole thing as long as possible. If you showed up at his room when you were drunk or visa-versa one of two things might happen. One, you accidentally revealed how much you like him and turns out he likes you too and you ride off into the sunset together. Two, you accidentally revealed how much you like him, and he totally doesn’t feel that way and your friendship will be a little tense for a month or two.
A tense friendship is the best negative outcome of a hook-up, but being ignored is the most common. If it turns out you hooked-up with someone who can’t deal with you in the daylight the best thing to do is hold your head up, give a smile and forget about it. If you were ignored right off the bat, there is very little chance that you’ll ever get past that, so save yourself the awkward dining hall conversation and wait for someone less flaky.
Any hook-up that started with a date has a better chance of turning into something more but if you go too far there is always the danger that you’ll get branded a slut and, the truth is, neither guys nor girls want to date a slut. Everyone just wants to know a slut so they’ll always have an option, and access to weird sex stories. I don’t know how this goes for men, given that I am not one, but for women, if you’re out with a guy who makes you feel like you need to give it up on the first date, maybe you should be out with someone else.
The hardest post hook-up scenario is one in which you hooked with someone you actually really like. In this scenario men have a clear advantage because women aren’t as good as hooking up without any knd of emotional attachment. That means that if you’re male and discover that you want to see a girl you hooked up with again, there is a much better chance that she likes you too. However, you must take into account the rules about drunk hook-ups, which I outlined above. The biggest obstacle for men is that she might be embarrassed about behaving in whatever way she did and/or not remember. If she’s just embarrassed she might be glad to hear you want to see her again, or she might be so embarrassed that she never wants to talk to you again, you just have to take a shot. If she doesn’t remember, than you’ll have to start over again with the seduction, and maybe move a little slower this time.
Ladies, it’s a whole lot harder for us if we figure out we like a guy post hook-up. It is biologically easier for men to have sex, they’re ability to orgasm comes more from physical sensation than from mental stimulation, whereas for us girls the opposite is true (fun fact!). What that means for us is that the men we hook-up with might not even remember our names and it wouldn’t even matter to them. Therefore, if you want to approach a guy you hooked-up with you need to arm yourself for rejection.
Try to feel out the situation before hand. If he gave you his number then it’s probably safe to call, not text, because we already learned that texting is copping out. If he took your number you should wait for him to call you, but know that he will text and if its not until 9:30 Friday night, he doesn’t want anything from you he didn’t get already.
If no numbers are exchanged do not send him a Facebook message. It is acceptable to friend him, though a little creepy given that you had to look around for his last name, but even if you do, let him contact you, and if he doesn’t it’s a no go. Also, please remember that if he ignores you initially, he doesn’t want to hear from you.
Finally, it is important to note, once again, that D*****n is tiny, and that you’re probably going to run into anyone you hook-up with. That in mind, I urge you not to ignore each other, it doesn’t need to be that way at all. It does seem that the general trend among D******n students is to ignore it until it goes away, but let’s be adult and maintain a level of maturity that requires a least a smile and a “hey.” Ultimately, hooking-up is great for satisfying an itch, but not a great way to start a relationship.